The heady early days of a relationship are just that! Our bodies fill up with love hormones like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin like a car at a filling station. What is not to love? Like love addicts, we keep coming back and back again for more.
The Best Sex of Our Lives
It is amid this dizzying experience that we can have the best sex of our lives, but this can slow down or even come to an end like all good things after the initial passion starts to wear off.
The first thing to understand is that this is normal and not that unusual. Most couples report a slowing down in the passion lane after a year, and even more so after two years. All kinds of issues can interfere with love-making: new babies, finances, and life.
The worst thing to do is to decide you have a problem. Once we determine that, we tend to focus too much on the issue, which can be a libido dampener.
Sex is often said to be the deepest level of communication, so it goes to say that if we are communicating well in all other areas of our lives and if we understand pillars of love, then sex will flow.
So, whether you are in the heady early days of loving or the later stages of love, learning how to be a better lover is always essential.
Take Responsibility
In matters of sex, both partners want to please each other, and some might want to impress one another. The flip side to this is that many partners might expect too much from their partners and become disappointed. They can get into pointless statements like
‘She never initiates sex’ and ‘He never gives me enough foreplay,‘
Considering that the average American male usually lasts around 17 minutes and 5 seconds tops, it might seem unrealistic for them to carry out foreplay longer than a specific time frame. If you think that is a short period and wonder how long does sex last in real time, the American male faired up pretty well against his British counterpart, who could only last 16 and 58 seconds!
Problems can occur when female partners want longer foreplay sessions and their partner ejaculates after 15 minutes because he thoroughly enjoyed pleasing her! If you are not ‘feeling it’ yet, you can rev up your sex drive and response by using toys and lubricants that make you tingle.
Most couples understand that a lot of foreplay happens all day through communication. The biggest turn-ons for men and women occur well before this point, and the possibilities and time frames are endless.
Reframing the Time Zones for Sex
Considering that the actual sex act is a lot shorter than you imagined, the time zone for sex can be anytime!
Many couples get into the before-bed scenario, and this is not always a great time for either sex.
Men enjoy arousal earlier in the day, and women prefer a little hanky-panky later on in the day, but this could be that she perceives this time as free of other responsibilities. In reality, she could be exhausted by the time it is bedtime. If you are already enjoying sex before bed and don’t want to change it, keep on doing it, but consider other snatches of time to relieve that tension.
Understand Foreplay Better
Foreplay is about other things aside from stroking and touching, although there is space for this. Not to mention a little bit of teasing, but foreplay is much bigger than that.
Sex always starts in the brain, and if you take the time to understand your partner, you will know which buttons to press and how to spice up a relationship. Pushing your partner’s buttons all day or all week is an excellent prelude to sex. Removing time limits for foreplay can lead to some fascinating results. Loads of couples use cosplay, board games, chat, and other exciting ideas to roll out over hours or even days. The tension build-up is powerful and can lead to explosive sex.
Foreplay is also about expressing gratitude to your partner for who they are, what they do for you, and showing appreciation for their being in your life. Closeness and caring are other acts of foreplay that many might overlook.
Do Not Think That Sexual Dysfunction Will Resolve By Itself
Loads of couples struggle with genuine sexual dysfunction. It could be an inability to climax, sustaining erections, staying well lubricated, fearing sex, tensing up during sex, or being too dry for sex.
There can also be a physical illness that interferes with sexual performance, but this does not mean that sex is off the table. Thinking that sex is over is a bit self-defeating. How do you expect it to get easier or even better if you do not tackle the issue? It takes commitment and work, but sex does not look the same for everyone. If you put action into the situation, you will get results; it builds and can destroy a sex life when you do nothing.
Solving sexual issues is no different than solving everyday challenges, and couples that care about one another should take steps to enjoy sex more.
Do Not Fall for Stereotypes
Many older men and women still love sex; the sad part is that modern art and culture do not always support this idea. It pays to remember that older people are human and still have the sparkling hearts of people in their teens at times. They fall in love, enjoy sex, and crave intimacy just like anyone else. Sure, loads of seniors do not want sex anymore, which is fine, but loads still do.
Some seniors are dating again after being widowed and are looking for more passion. There is no need for shame or stereotyping in this situation.
Each human being is entitled to deep and pleasurable sex. Sometimes senior sex can change, and many go deeper into tantric or Taoist to find their sexual satisfaction. These are gentler approaches to sex and can be suitable for those struggling with dryness or other sexual issues.
Stop Worrying About Everyone Else’s Sex Life
There are always surveys in the media suggesting that they know how many times an average couple has sex each week. These surveys are not always accurate. Even the good ones show that there is no actual average. Besides, what is an ‘average couple’ these days?
Your actual average is what matters. Do you feel it is too much, too little, or just enough? Does your partner feel they are having too much or too little? These are the significant figures, and if you are communicating, you’d know the answers as you should be.
Both men and women enjoy sex, so this is not a male-centered question. Both parties should ask each other if they have enough sex. As mentioned earlier, if there are sexual issues, sort them out. If there are not and the desire is starting to dwindle, find out how to bring the spark back. Don’t align yourself to some nonsense survey; it will only add to your feelings of confusion. You and your partner could have been the couple outside of the study’s limits 20 times a day, but there is no award for that either!
Do Not Use Porn as a Barometer for Sex
Couples sometimes use porn for added stimulation, but it is essential to understand that most of the time, porn does not replicate real sex very accurately.
More than that, it can lead to body image issues.
If you consider that porn is shot from a POV angle (point of view), meaning primarily from the male’s point of view, his body is left out of the picture while the female’s body takes prime position.
If males played a more active role in sizing their bodies up to the other males in porn, they might not enjoy it so much!
If you still want to use porn, find porn sites that are female-friendly or even specially made for females. They are a bit more realistic when it comes to body types and a lot more relatable.
If something does not bring you joy and pleasure, it is not working for you.
Plan for Sex
If you think about it, when you first started dating, you’d get all dressed up and cleaned up, hoping the evening would end in good sex. When couples live together and have families, this becomes somewhat more important. You might not want to get dressed up, but you can get certain things ready for having sex. You will find it is easier to plan for if you have set a ‘date’ for sex.
That could mean different things to different people. Perhaps it means cleaning your toys, placing out candles, making sure tissues are available, lubes are easy to grab hold, and good music is on hand. If this all feels too pressurized for your liking, you could decide to cuddle. Being close often counts as more critical to sex and can lead to satisfying sex eventually.
Spot If You are Avoiding Sex
People avoid sex for many reasons. The media is full of sex, and most of the sex portrayed is spontaneous and happy; it also seems effortless. Early on in your relationship, this might have been true for you. You could land up in a cycle of avoidance surrounding sex itself and the topic of sex.
No one enjoys spontaneous and easy sex constantly. It is another fallacy people have to learn is not valid.
Life stressors can cause sex to become tense or anxiety-provoking. If there are whole issues in your sex life causing sex to be complex or unmet expectations of what sex should look like, you might unconsciously avoid sex to avoid disappointment.
Facing these challenges is what makes people good lovers. If sex is not what you expected, examine where those expectations came from and why. Was it too many romantic movies, too much porn, or just an idea you had in your head about sex? If this is so, start to understand that this idea is not serving you. You are getting no sex because of it!
If you are in this cycle, the only way to break it is to move forward. Talk to a therapist or, better still, your partner about sex. Challenge ideas about sex, particularly if you feel it has to look a certain way. All sex is different; all people respond differently to sex; in this regard, you are no different from everyone else.
Become Tuned in to Sexual Need Differences
It is rare for most couples to share the same desire levels. It does happen, but not that often.
Most couples’ sexual needs are very different and changeable over time so possibly you will need to learn how to be romantic or how to make each other fantasies come alive.
Also, don’t assume that men always want more sex than women. It happens that many men have lower sex drives as well as women.
The best way to find out how to deal with it is to talk about it. There could be many reasons why one has a lower sex drive than the other. Hormones, personality, lifestyle, health, and many more challenges can affect desire.
The only way you will fix this and become a great lover and enjoy more sex is to talk.
Some seniors find penetration painful due to dryness and loss of hormones.
Couples should explore other types of sex. Not all sex is about penetration, as many LGBT couples already know. Pain during intercourse can affect females of any age, and finding ways to be close and enjoy orgasms does not need to focus on a particular form of doing things.
Life, in general, is faster-paced these days, and this can also hamper performance and desire.
Is your bedroom conducive to sex? Have you both invested in your sex life to make it better? It is strange to note that it is often the person wanting sex less that spends the most time trying to fix it. The person wanting more sex should also find ways to improve the experience, which will heighten the desire in their partner. Hot lovers typically have hot partners!
Sex, like life, is a constantly developing and changing experience for couples. What worked for them initially might not work for them now. That is the exciting part of sex. It is not a problem but a chance to learn new things and try out exciting ideas. Couples can share fantasies and new and exciting places to have sex explored; this is far more exciting than just regular sex.
It is all a matter of how you look at it.
To sum up. Partners who are a team in life in general, being able to sort out bills, kids, house repairs, and mortgages, are usually the couples that have the best sex lives!
These couples are committed to growing in their relationship, which shows in everything they do. They put action into the scenario, which is what it takes to be a good lover. Being a caring, devoted partner makes for better sex life; it is as simple as that.
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