I can’t work out looking back, when I changed from a normal mentally healthy child, to one who had a warped perspective of myself.
Sometimes I wonder if I’ve always been this way.
BPD or to give it is full name Borderline Personality Disorder, is somewhat stigmatized by mainstream media, as of course are many other mental health issues. So, I am hoping to break down those misconceptions a little at a time.
What is BPD?
I guess simply put it is a serious mental disorder which effects the way people who suffer from it process emotions.
There are 9 criteria used to diagnose people with BPD, although the way they are experience and to what degree is different between each patient:
• Fear of abandonment.
• A series of unstable relationships.
• Unstable image of ones-self.
• Impulsive attitude around things which are unsafe to such as drinking, drugs, sex, binge eating, reckless driving etc..
• Self-harm or suicidal tendencies.
• Extreme emotional swings.
• Chronic feeling of emptiness.
• Intense anger.
• A feeling of not being in touch with reality – suspicious and paranoid.
How BPD affects me
It’s been many years since I was diagnosed originally with BPD.
Over the years, things have changed. I have learnt in ways to find a way to live with some aspects of BPD. While those around me have learnt to calm and look after me when things get bad.
I’ve never been a danger to others, like media sometimes likes to portray BPD sufferers to be. However, I can be a danger to myself.
Through my teen years and into my twenties, I tried to take my life many times. It is perhaps only by accident I am still alive.
I don’t think I’ll ever stop self-harming in some ways and my gosh the emotional swings can be so tiring.
I’ve learnt over the years though I’m not alone.
That impulse to hit my head, to stop it. Is felt by many people with BPD.
The insane fear of being abandoned, which I suspect comes from the fact I was adopted, never leaves. But I am not alone.
Sometimes I feel like I’m on a roller coaster with the ups and downs of emotions and sometimes I feel numb like there’s no emotions left. And that’s normal too.
How is BPD Treated?
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) and Mentalisation-Based Therapy (MBT) are most often the way people look to treat BPD.
I must admit I’ve tried many therapies over the years and the only one, for me, which worked to any extent was art therapy. I am not a talker, I write, I create, but I don’t talk. As I fear what people will think.
Therapeutic communities can often help some people as well. However, place me with people who are feeling similar and I become a bit like a bomb, ready to explode with the emotions that are swirling around.
Sadly, medication doesn’t help BPD itself, but it can sometimes be offered to help any mental health conditions that co-exist with BPD. For myself this is depression and anxiety.
What to Take from this Post
People with BPD are humans too. We just have issues with processing emotions in quite the right way. This is often linked to something traumatic that has happened in our lives.
Don’t write us off, don’t be scared to be our friend.
Sarah is the creator behind Life in a Break Down, UK Bloggers and Simply Saving and one half of the duo behind UK Lifestyle Hub. She suffers from a number of chronic health conditions and is often found cuddled up on the sofa with a movie and her pets. Follow her on Twitter or Instagram too!